• Surviving Anxiety

Crap

I have a little rant. Just about past and present crap.I had someone who I thought was my best friend,  would stick by me though thick and thin. But when the going got tough she totally bailed on me. At least that’s the way I feel about it. A little while back, when I was married my husband got really crappy with my oldest daughter. I told my friend about it and she said I could come stay with her for the weekend. So I packed me and the kids up and went over there. Of course I had been wanting to leave the man, but had no where to go and no money to get a place so my friend insisted that I stay there with her and her family. She said she would be fine with it, that we could stay as long as we needed, if you’re here for a year it’s ok. On and on about how fine she was with it. The kids and I had been there for 2 months and I actually thought things were going ok. Of course it got a little rough every now and then but I thought we were managing pretty well. Until one morning I was outside smoking and she came walking out of the house with a suitcase. She said that she couldn’t take us being there anymore and that she was taking herself and her kids to stay with her  parents until me and my kids were gone. (This woman is the wife of my brother) So I’m left there with my brother and my kids, and his wife and kids are gonna be staying elsewhere. wth was I supposed to do. I couldn’t stay there knowing full well that I was the reason she left. I don’t want to be the one that’s blamed for breaking up their marriage. So I packed me and the kids up and went back to live with my husband. The way I see it is that she kicked me out without actually telling me to get out. She could have sat down and told me that it was stressing her out to much or what have you. You don’t just pack yourself and kids up and leave your home and husband like that. And put the blame on me. For me that was the end of our friendship. Fast forward to this year,  she went back to school to become a hygienist and she was always complaining about how she doesn’t get to spend enough time with her kids. Yet every time I see her she doesn’t have them, where are they? At the babysitters. Ok, so she’s just sitting around at grandma’s complaining that she doesn’t see them, yet she left them with the sitter. That makes no sense to me what-so-ever. The other she was talking about going out to the bar with her classmates. Her classmates are like 22 and 23 and single. She’s almost 30 and has 2 kids and a husband sitting at home. Why the hell is she out bar hopping. She already spends 2 or 3 nights a week at school. Why not go home to be with your family. Maybe it’s just how I was raised, but it just doesn’t seem right to me. She doesn’t seem right.

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Competition? No.

Last night my kids got here and told me that their dad had taken them shopping. He let them pick out what they wanted for christmas. Autumn says “Dad spent $300. yesterday”  I put on a smile and ask what they picked out. One of them got some $50 toy and so did the other and all this other stuff. It was nice to see them so happy and excited. I don’t have the money that my ex does, I can’t go out and buy the kids stuff like that. I got them each a couple things they asked for, but nothing over twenty bucks. At my house each kid has 5 or 6 gifts. One of them is a pack of socks, the other is an outfit, so that gives them 3 or 4 toys. I hope they’re not too disappointed. I suppose it could be a lot worse, I could have not been able to get them anything. And they do need to learn that they can’t have everything they want and that not everyone is as well off as their father. I don’t really feel like I have to compete with him, mainly because there’s no way I could without charging up a huge credit card bill that I wouldn’t be able to pay off. So let him blow his money on them and I’ll save mine!

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Social Security

Last week I went to the license branch to transfer the plate from my van to my car. One would think that would be easy peasy, but oh no, not for me. On Nov. 7 they started some new stupid bullshit where if your name on your social security card doesn’t match the name on your license they won’t do anything for you.  Fourteen years my name hasn’t matched and I’ve never had a problem with it up until now. Because all the sudden they want to crack down on fraud. What do I have do? I have to go to the social security office. I knew it wasn’t going to be fun, but I didn’t know it was going to be as bad as it was. There was about 40 or 50 people in this little place, all with their number, waiting to be called. We were standing there about 30 minutes, just waiting and this woman who had been there before us saw someone get called up who hadn’t been waiting as long as she had been and she started bitching about it. She said she’d been waiting for an hour and a half. Funny thing was that I got called before her too and she was still sitting there wait when I left Anyway, there’s no way I would have made it though that without Brian with me. Walking in there with all those people staring at you and then having to wait an hour. I would have walked in and walked right back out if he’d not gone with me. Now on Wednesday I have to go back to the license branch to get my plate switched. Boy life sure is fun

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Tooth hurty

I had 2 fillings that needed replaced, so I went and had that done this morning. Now the side of my mouth is sore. The last filling I had didn’t cause me any discomfort, I don’t know why these 2 are. Actually it doesn’t feel like he did a great job on the top tooth. It feels like the back of the filling is hanging slightly off my tooth.

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New car

My van was getting old and everyone was telling me it was going to need some fixin’. My brother, bless his heart, changed my spark plugs yesterday. Took him 3 hours because 3 of them we’re in the back of the thing, whatever it’s called under the hood. Some big silver thing was in front of them and he had to take stuff off to get to them.  I think he might be ticked that he spent all that time doing that and I went and traded the thing the next day I  got a beautiful purple chevy colbalt. It’s more of a lavendar color. It’s fantastic.  I love it.

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McDonald’s sucks

We went to the Mcdonald’s drive thru last night, I placed my order. The screen wasn’t working (what a shock) A number 3 and a mc chicken sandwich, and a coke to drink. The lady says it’ll be $4 something and Brian says that’s too cheap, she didn’t get your sandwich. I said the chicken sandwich is only a dollar. Yeah, I eat a dollar sandwich while he has a number 3. So we go to the first window, I pay. Then to the second window, get our bag, I dig though it, there’s no chicken sandwich. I sit there waiting for the stupid window girl to come back. She’s in there screwing around acting like a flipping retard. Finally she comes back to the window. I told her I had ordered a chicken sandwich but the screen wasn’t working so I didn’t know it hadn’t been added on the order. She’s all “OK hod on” She goes and screws around some more then comes back and says it’s a dollar 6. I pay, then wait. Then she says can you pull up to the lines. I asked if it was going to take them long to get it ready. She said no. Like a good customer I pulled up and waited and waited and waited. 10 minutes! I couldn’t go in cause I had my pj’s on. Brian was in his slippers. So we’re waiting. Finally some woman comes out and says “What did you order?” uhh, a chicken sandwich. Good golly. What is wrong with those people? A little chicken sandwich. I didn’t realize it was so hard to get it together. Maybe they need someone’s who’s not an idiot working there. Next time I’m sitting at mc-sucky-donald’s and they ask me to pull up my answer will be “No, I’ll wait here till I get my food.”

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Forrest City Taco Bell

We stopped in this town in Arkansas on our way to take Brians grandson home. Brian wanted Taco Bell really bad. We had to go in cause we all had to potty. As soon as you walked in the door there it smelled like poo. At first I thought it was just the smell of the taco’s so I didn’t say anything. Upon walking in the bathroom I found that that was where the stench was coming from. In one stall the toilet was all broken up and there was no toilet paper. I looked in the next stall, there was some toilet paper, but the toilet seat was covered with pee. I walked out and told Brian that was nasty and I couldn’t use the bathroom. He said he wanted a taco so we got in line. I told him I couldn’t eat there it was too disgusting. I’m standing in line half whispering to him how nasty the place was and he finally said you’re right, let’s find somewhere else. Well dang, if the bathroom is so disgusting that I couldn’t pee in it it makes me wonder what it’s like back in the kitchen.

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Choosing the Right Psychotherapist

You’ve decided to go into therapy for your social anxiety, but now you’ve got a whole new kind of anxiety to deal with: how to choose a psychotherapist. You could ask for a referral from your family doctor, check out a few professional listings online, or even just pick a name from the yellow pages. But as long as you’re reading this article anyway, why not become an informed consumer and increase your chances of making the right call? It won’t take much effort, I promise, and the payoff could be enormous.

Step 1: Know What You’re Looking For You know you need help for your social anxiety, but now it’s time to get more specific. What exactly do you want to achieve in therapy? Maybe there’s a great new job in your company, but you’re hesitant to apply because it involves a lot of social interaction. Maybe there’s a special someone you’d like to get to know better, but you feel held back by your condition. We all know we’d like to get better, but the point here is to find out what better means to you. Ask yourself this question: when I’m better, what will I be like? How, specifically, will my life be different than it is now? Knowing what youre looking for is the first step to finding it.

Step 2: Ask Around Shopping for a therapist is a bit like shopping for a car. In both cases you’re going to be spending a lot of time and money on your purchase. When you shop for a car, you probably ask around among friends and family, and they’re usually only too happy to give you their opinions of models and manufacturers. If you’re able to, go ahead and do the same for therapists. You might be surprised at how much useful information you get.

Step 3: Create Your First List Now you can open up the yellow pages or the online professional directory. Instead of picking out therapists that look good, start by eliminating the ones that you know won’t work for you. For example, if youre friend had a terrible time with Dr. Hamilton, he gets crossed off. If Sheila Frank’s advertisement reveals that she focuses only on couples and families, she gets eliminated as well. You get the idea.

Step 4: Refine Your List Now you’ve got a list of therapists who made the cut, and your next step is to put them in order of desirability, with the most promising names at the top of your list and the least promising names at the bottom. How should you prioritize? Well, that’s up to you ultimately, but here are some factors to consider. If the therapist advertises a sliding fee scale, that could move them way up your list if money’s a major problem for you. Likewise, if a therapist’s office isn’t convenient to public transportation and you don’t have a car, they’re probably going to get bumped down. Recommendations from a friend will probably mean a lot. You could easily spend all day rearranging this list, though, so set yourself a reasonable time limit.

Step 5: Get on the Phone Start with the person at the top of your list and give them a call. Tell them you’re considering therapy and are checking out local therapists. Ask if they have a minute to talk to you. Don’t be surprised if they set up a time to call later, or if they ask you to come to the office in person. If they don’t have time to talk, or they want a consultation fee just for the privilege of asking them questions about their work, run for the hills! Set up appointments with the top two people on your list.

Step 6: Evaluate Your Potential Therapist

Whether you’re on the phone, or in person, don’t be afraid to take notes. The way a therapist answers tough questions can tell you a lot about them, so don’t be afraid to bring along a list of questions that are important to you. Here are some suggestions:

¨ I think I might have social anxiety. What is social anxiety and what are the symptoms? This is a great question to ask even if you already know the answer because it will reveal whether or not the therapist knows anything about the condition. If they’re evasive or vague, it’s probably best to move on. ¨ How much of your practice is geared toward people with social anxiety?

This isn’t a deal breaker. Just because a therapist doesn’t see a lot of clients with social anxiety doesn’t mean that they’re no good at treating it, but experience is helpful. ¨ Are you trained in CBT?

In case you don’t already know, cognitive-behavioral therapy has been proven to be the most effective treatment for social anxiety. You definitely want to steer clear of therapists who aren’t familiar with it. ¨ Am I required to sign a contract or anything?

A therapist may have you sign a number of documents (disclosure forms, privacy notification forms, history forms, etc.) but if they insist on you signing a treatment contract (i.e. you’re locked in for a certain number of sessions and a certain amount of money) then you’re probably a lot better off looking for someone else. ¨ Are you licensed? Tell me about your education and training.

There are all kinds of therapists out there: psychiatrists, psychologists, clinical social workers, licensed professional counselors, marriage & family counselors, etc. Keep an open mind about the kind of therapist you see. (Personally, I’d rather choose a master’s level professional counselor with a specialty in social anxiety than a psychiatrist with no specialty at all. Be sure you’re comfortable with their level of licensing, though. There are many good unlicensed and pre-licensed counselors practicing under supervision in community clinics and hospitals, but running a private practice without a license is a bit shady. Licensing by the state is designed to protect the consumer, so if the therapist you’re speaking with isn’t licensed, ask them why.

Step 7: Think it Over and Make a Decision Look over the notes you’ve taken on your therapists, and make a decision. That might sound over simplistic, but after interviewing a couple of therapists you’ll probably have a pretty good idea of what will and will not work for you. If nobody works for you, go to the next two therapists on your list and do it again. Good luck!

- Just Ben

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Considering comorbidity in social phobia.

Considering comorbidity in social phobia. Chartier MJ, Walker JR, Stein MB. Dept. of Community Health Sciences, University of Manitoba, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, mariette_chartier@umanitoba.ca

BACKGROUND: Considering comorbidity in social phobia contributes to our understanding of causal pathways and improved classifications for psychiatric disorders. Comorbidity also has important clinical implications. While a number of studies have investigated comorbidity in social phobia, only one other study has used the Composite International Diagnostic Interview (CIDI) and considered comorbidity in subtypes of social phobia. This study evaluated lifetime social phobia comorbidity with other common mental disorders as well as comorbidity in subtypes of social phobia. We also considered whether social fears, reported by respondents with social phobia, had an earlier or later age of onset than other disorders.
METHODS: Data came from the Mental Health Supplement to the Ontario Health Survey, a survey of 8,116 Canadian respondents, ages 15-64. Psychiatric diagnoses were determined using the CIDI. This instrument is considered more sensitive than earlier instruments for diagnosing social phobia.
RESULTS: Fifty-two percent of respondents with lifetime social phobia reported at least one other lifetime mental disorder and 27% reported three or more lifetime mental disorders. Social phobia, in this sample, is strongly comorbid with anxiety and affective disorders, and moderately comorbid with substance abuse disorders. When two social phobia subgroups were considered, the largest odds ratios were found among the not-exclusively-speaking social phobia group. This subgroup would include most of the respondents with a generalized form of social phobia. Age of onset of social fears, in respondents with social phobia, preceded age of onset of the comorbid disorder in 32% of cases with comorbid anxiety disorder, 71% of cases with comorbid affective disorder and 80% of cases with comorbid substance dependence/abuse disorder.
CONCLUSIONS: Comorbidity and relative age of onset among respondents with social phobia in this study are generally consistent with previous epidemiologic studies. Clinicians should be vigilant for comorbidity in social phobia and should select treatments that target the full range of comorbid disorders. Early intervention or prevention of social fears or social phobia has the potential to reduce the risk of comorbid disorders.

http://www.medscape.com/medline/abstract/14689178


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The begining

  There’s some hurts that never go away. They lessen over time, you stop thinking about them everyday, but they’re still there with you. When I was 19 I started seeing a man that had been a friend of my family since before I was even born. He was 24 years old than me, but because he’d alway been around off and on and my family seemed to like him I thought he was a good guy. We’d only been seeing each other a month or 2 when I got pregnant. He let me move in with him and he said he’d take care of everything. He said he would support the baby and me and my other daughter. I thought it would be great, I found someone to take care of us, I didn’t have to worry about making it on my own with a child. I did love him, not in the I’m crazy about you want to spend my life wih you kind of way. But in the I know I’m safe with you and you’ll always take care of me kind of way.  At the time I thought it was the I’m crazy about you kind of love and I truely believed that I would spend my life with him. We’d only been together a few months, I was only 20, and I didn’t know much. As time passed I found that we really didn’t have anything in common. I never felt comfortable talking to him. I don’t think he felt comfortable talking to me either, because conversations between us were few and far between. Time went on, we had another baby.The post partum depression I had was horrible. I think my husband was in denial over it. Our relaionship became very strained. I tried to talk to him about it. I told him I wasn’t happy. His response was always the same “I’m happy so you need to get over it”. I told him I needed to feel like I was more than just his maid and his whore, but he was happy with the way things were. I don’t know that he ever really loved me. I think what he loved was the life he had. The Leave it to Beaver life that we protrayed to the people on the outside looking in. People looked at us and thought we had a perfect little life and family together, so why wasn’t I happy with it? When I moved in with him I had no car, no license, no money, nothing. I was totally dependant on him for everything. My anxiety started getting worse. It was so bad that the only time I left the house was if I was with him. I wouldn’t, couldn’t even go outside to play with my daughter. After about a year we moved, into a house that he choose, I had no say in it at all. The house he chose was almost next door to my dad and grandma’s houses. I thought it was pretty nice, now I could go over there and visit with them. I don’t think my husband liked me spending so much time over there because he started telling me that my family was talking about me. That they had said some pretty negative things about me. At the time I believed him. He was my husband, he loved me, why would he lie about that. Now that I’m older and out of the situation I think he told me those things to alienate me from my family, to keep me away from them, keep me at home where I belonged. There was quite a few things like that that he used. He knew I had always felt unwanted by my father and he would make comments about that too.This man, who claimed to love me so much  never showed it. Maybe he thought he did and I just didn’t see it. He was a great provider. He made good money, he kept us fed, he kept a roof over our head, kept us warm. He would have bought me anything I asked for, and he did, except for one thing, one thing that I thought if he really did love he would have bought me. An engagement ring. He never bought me a ring, I don’t know why. And the way he asked me to marry him said anything but I love you. His words were “We need to get married so you can be on my insurance. You can use the ring your mom gave you.” I should have known things weren’t going to work after that. Time goes on. We were married for 5 years, we had to beautiful children together. He was happy with his Leave it to Beaver looking life. I was unhappy with no hope for a change in site. I went out one night with my sister in law. We went to a bar, had a coupld drinks, danced and flirted with a few guys. It was a lot of fun. It felt good to feel wanted again. It’d been so long since I felt like I was wanted. So many bad things happened after that. Cheating. Rape. Physical abuse. Verbal abuse. I thought I’d be able to write about them but I can’t. You think all the hurt is gone, but it’s still there, and it doesn’t take much to relive it. I filed for divorce. Because of his abusive, controlling ways it took me 3 or 4 years to actually get out of there. That was what I had intended on writing about, but I got side tracked. Stuck on how I messed up so bad in the begining. If I hadn’t had any anxiety would have done the same thing?

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